When you have a loved one who is struggling with any form of addiction, it can be incredibly tough knowing how you can best help and support them. And that is because choosing to offer any form of assistance with substance abuse or another kind of addiction is not a simple decision. A wide variety of research backs up that someone struggling with addiction will benefit from support, however it is important that you offer appropriate and healthy support that is in their best interest.
Four Tips
There are some immediate “dos” and “don’ts:”
- Do lead with kindness and compassion
- Do not use judgemental language or shame the person
- Do respect their privacy whilst still being supportive
- Do not expect an immediate and lasting change
Four Strategies to Support Your Loved One
The following are suggested strategies you may want to consider as you navigate your journey:
- Find Appropriate Expertise – unless you are a trained addiction counselor you will not have the full toolkit to fully support your loved one. Addiction centers are open across the country, such as Delphi Behavioral Health Group, or you could speak to your local family doctor in the first instance.
- Support Yourself as you Support Your Loved One – it is a well quoted phrase that you need to put on your own life jacket before someone else’s, and it is well quoted because it is true. Having a loved one who is struggling with an addiction is stressful for you, and you need to ensure you are supported so that you can support them. Consider what will work best for you, it may be a formal support group, or self-care activities like an uninterrupted workout routine or regular meals out with friends to decompress.
- Have Realistic Expectations – there is no quick fix or simple method for helping a loved one that is facing addiction. It takes a lot of work and help to overcome addiction. If someone is not ready to change their habits, trying to encourage them to seek support is unlikely to work. Even if they are ready, the journey is complex and rarely fast. You need to have realistic expectations for how long it may take to overcome the behavior, accept that along the way there will likely be some setbacks, and remember that this is likely to be a lifelong struggle that they have to face.
- Communication Matters – you can have the most well intended message but if it is communicated poorly the person only hears the misinterpretation and this can cause conflict or lost trust. We spoke earlier that it is important to avoid judgemental or shameful statements, it is also important to avoid blame or confrontational statements. Stick to speaking about your authentic experience rather than blaming their behavior or guessing at their motives. For example, “I feel sad when you drink” versus “You drink to feel better, and you make me feel worse”.
Both you and your loved one are on a difficult but important road together
